Surprise Public Proposals

You’ve seen them on America’s Funniest Home Videos, you hear about them on the radio, nearly every morning each major city’s popular “infotainment” morning news shows plasters them all over the tube: marriage proposals presented in a very public place and televised for all to see.

Whose bright idea was this? I would like to personally smack the jerk right in the kisser.

There’s are only two reasons to present a marriage proposal in front of a film crew: first is the overwhelming need for the groom (at least) to be seen on TV and made famous for at least a few seconds; second is the fact that hardly any woman would be cruel enough to say “no” to such a proposal, whether she wants to marry the guy or not. Who wants to humiliate their lover on broadcast TV?

Guys who do this are cowards, I believe. Proposing marriage should be a nearly sacred thing, something shared by the couple alone, a private moment for them to cherish for the rest of their lives—not a chance to make a public spectacle out of yourself. After all, there are few women out there with the gumption to say no to so public a proposal… other than my sisters, who don’t put up with crap from anyone, which is why although I love them dearly, I live in constant fear of all three. I would wager that half or more of these public exhibitions of stupidity wind up in the couple splitting up, once the girlfriend gets over the massive embarrassment of having such a tender moment televised so that TV executives can get even richer exploiting unwitting romantics. If I had proposed to my wife in such a way, I’d probably be a single, lonely guy about now.

Proposing marriage is a terrifying prospect for any man, regardless of how solid a relationship you have. My wife knew that I wanted to get married; we had discussed it and I knew that she was agreeable to the notion. Nevertheless, when the time came to do the deed, I was scared out of my mind, absolutely convinced that she would say no. I proposed in an appropriately romantic public area, but it was night and no one was within earshot. I was sure that she’d say no and shatter me.

On the other hand, I could have thrown a big party for no particular reason and then proposed to her in front of all of our friends. That would have bolstered my courage, because she would never embarrass me by publicly rejecting me. But it would also leave her with no out, which is unfair. A proposal isn’t an insistence on marriage; it is allowing your prospective wife the chance to back out cleanly. After all, what guy would want to marry someone who didn’t want to marry him? Other than Hollywood celebrities, that is.

If you plan to pop the question, try to avoid the public proposal unless you are completely spineless. This moment should be special and between two people only. And ladies, if your boyfriend should decide to go for the public proposal, do the both of you a favor and answer “no” when he pops the question. Publicly embarrass and shame the guy for being a coward and for not treating you fairly. If he’s man enough to propose again more privately, then he might be worth keeping; but if he stomps away in an indignant huff, then be glad that you didn’t make possibly the biggest mistake of your life. Do you really want to marry a guy lacking the nerve to propose in private?