1. This is a poem about my friend Sam, who took his own life on the 9th of September. I remember the day detail for detail. I had just hung out with him the night before. I remember getting the phone call and I went from complete joy and anticipation to sadness and uncertainty. I live in Green Bay and Love my Green Bay Packers more then my future wife, but hearing the news that your friend decided to take his own life just as the Packers are about to kick the game winner, opening day in Philly, puts things into perspective.,

    It’s opening day, all tied up with a chance to win…

    It’s opening day, all tied up with a chance to win…

    My phone comes alive and I think "calling me right now is a classified sin"…
    I decide it can wait and let it ring and ring and ring…
    Then I felt a text message, vibe vibe followed by a PING…
    "Call me right away" is a message I was unable to ignore…
    Picking up my phone I headed out the door…
    I found a quiet spot between two cars and sat down…
    Possibly missing the game winner turned my smile into a frown…
    Waiting for an answer on the other end…
    Wondering why I would be needed right now as a friend…
    "Hey what’s up? You needed me to call?"…
    Whimpers, Sobs and Stuttering sentences said nothing but said it all…..
    "What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean he is dead?"…
    Unable to understand what I just heard, not accepting what was just said…
    "No, you’re wrong, what you’re telling me can’t be true!"
    "I’ll call you back." Hanging up I sat in disbelief, preparing what to do…
    I collected my emotions and wiped away eyes…
    I tried to blend in as I took my seat with the other guys…
    Excitement was intense as the kick was made and the game was won…
    But I had just found out a little boy lost his Father and a Mother was joined in Heaven with her Son…
    The cheers were loud…
    Our fans were proud…
    I was able to go unnoticed, be left alone and not catch a stare…
    Then all it took though was someone showing an ounce of care…
    "What was the phone call about?" asked someone’s wonder…
    My eyes answered with tears and I responded with a blunder…
    Unable to comprehend and unable to speak…
    The emotion was taking over and leaving me weak…
    I make it through and finally leave the bar…
    I drive to my moms with two friends in my car…
    As I pull up and park in the driveway…
    It all hits me… my friend was here yesterday but dead today…
    My feelings, still being contained as I walk in, quite as a mouse…
    I feel a sense of Love and security anytime I enter this house…
    I join my family and in silence sit down at the kitchen table…
    My Mom asked me "How are you?" and I was no longer able…
    No longer able to hold it in as I sat there letting people watch me cry…
    Without hesitation or question my mom put her arms around me before asking why…
    Allowing me to drown in my tears and let it all out…
    Proving unconditional Love, not knowing what my breakdown was about…
    Finally asking and reassuring "What’s wrong? Whatever it is, it will be ok"…
    I understood why my friend left, in the moment, on that day…

    ,

    -JHB

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