Fighting to Control An Unruly Teen

The War on Control

As a teacher for the past eight years, I have noticed a common thread between out of control classroom behavior and disrespectful attitudes at home.  Many parents come into Parent-Teacher conferences feeling discouraged and worn out.  I see parents who feel at their wits ends with their children and feel like they should give in altogether.  Before you throw in the towel, read the five tips below to help repair the fractures within your relationship with your teen.

 Take Back Control

Many parents have lost control of discipline.  Parents either work unruly hours, share parental responsibilities with an ex, or have never knew how to control behavior modifications to begin with.  If you fall pray to one of the categories above, there is hope to seize control of your chaos. 

 Working Hard For the Money

If you work insane hours, I suggest setting aside a time for the both of you to spend quality time together.  Give your adolescent and hour where he/she can have you all to themselves.  This will help remind them that they are your number one priority, and if done consistently, you both will come to look forward to the time spent together.

 Co-parents

If you share parental responsibilities, I suggest a solid communication between parents.  Stop bickering over past insults; kids are keen to cracks within their parents’ demeanors, and if they feel that they can turn you both against one another, they will.  It takes the focus off of their disobedient behavior and creates confusion. 

 Behavior Modifications

If you have always struggled controlling your child’s behavior, I suggest you institute a behavior modification chart.  This works wonders in my junior high school class room.  Students have a visual reminder of their responsibilities, rewards, and consequences.  The chart should be a graph where a child can see how they are doing daily on tasks that are expected of him/her.  By charting your teen’s behavior consistently you will begin to see a change in his/her overall abilities.

 Example

 Consistency is Key

Nothing will change within your relationship with your teen if you are inconsistent.  Find a course of action and stick to it.  I have learned that teen NEED boundaries.  If they do not know what is expected of them, they will create their own expectations.  Remember your teen has enough friends, but he/she only has one group of parents.  Be firm in your convictions, and alter your strategies as you go along.  Saying that you made a mistake goes a long way.  If your plan is not working after one month, change it up, and talk to your teen about why it didn’t work.  If you feel uncomfortable talking to your child, start a corresponding journal where you both can communicate without fear of saying the wrong thing.  As long as you child knows that you are the boss, and that you genuinely care, things will begin to smooth out.