Can a single homo adopt a baby?
This topic came up at my glb adoptive parents group. The consensus of foster parents, adoptive parents, and a former social worker is that there is an unstated but strongly-held heirarchy of preferences. Married hetero couples are at the top. Single males are at the bottom. The exact order of the other demographics between varies slightly depending on agency and individual social worker, but no one has yet encountered the magic combination of state law + agency + social worker that would rank a single man above any other class of applicant. Even though study after study has shown that “gay male = pedophile” is completely untrue, it’s a fear that’s still deeply entrenched. But like I said, every agency and every one of its social workers has their own mindset. It’s key to shop around for someone who doesn’t have a preconception of who you are. If you feel the worker assigned to you is not that person, you CAN and should request someone else. You’ll have much better chances going through
I don’t know whether you’re thinking of adopting from foster care, or privately. If privately, keep in mind that you don’t have to adopt in the state where you live (though if there is any state where this would be easier than others for a gay man, you’d figure it would be California). The agency we’re working with works with gay men and lesbians as well as het people, and with single men and women as well as couples. It’s not common, but I know of one specific case where they placed a baby with a single man. The wait can be longer for non-traditional people because (so they tell me) birthmothers usually prefer married opposite-sex couples, so the less-traditional often have to wait until a birthmother surrenders her parental rights, leaving it up to the agency to choose a family for the baby. We are adopting interstate, in part because we liked this agency (we didn’t want to work with any agency that wouldn’t accept queer people, which limited our choices). But it also makes a differe
nakedcodemonkey’s advice is the best so far. You would have no hope in any of the “Red” states in the U.S., but in California and NY you would have a reasonable chance. You will have to shop around for the proper agency (approximately half of all adoption agencies will decline you as a client, maybe another quarter will take you but they won’t like you) and for the proper social worker. If you’re willing to take an older child (older than 1 year), a child that has been in foster care, a special needs child, or a minority child, your odds will improve. If you’re seeking a newborn Caucasian child, you may be in for a long wait. International adoption, as noted, is closed to you – China used to do some placements with single adults (and people lied to China about their homosexuality), but China is now banning single adoptions entirely.
A guy I know (a gay guy) has just leapt the last hurdle to becoming a foster parent. He’s single. (This is the San Francisco area.) His goal is eventually to adopt. He found a good agency to work with, and doesn’t seem to have hit any walls along the way. Both California and New York have adoption agencies that cater to the gay community.
