how do children at different ages deal with dying
Death shatters memories of whomever member they relate to (of a child). Child bear no responsibility to the family so the other members share the responsibility. Child has few peer group in the family and children are not good at communicating. Easily ridden of fear of loss and witnessing death is realisation of the children fear . All children aren’t alike ,some can cope with things and situation and rebound back to normal while some other take time. But if it takes too long time to turn to usual behaviour than psychology counseling is vital. Our bodies are complex the way we think influences the way we feel and visa versa. Death is hard to deal with and produces negativity around. This negativity need to be vented in time or can cause problems. All is to keep in check the lifestyle and environment of the child and to ensure it is suitable for his/her true growth.
The stage of development per Erikson can give some clues, but it does vary widely between individuals depending on their personal intelligence, developmental level, previous experience with death and the support they receive from family. If they can ask questions they deserve answers, age appropriate…but answers. One should listen closely to the question and try not answer more than what is asked, but not less than a full answer to what they asked either.
i have first hand experience with this as my estranged husband was murdered when our twins were 3 1/2 yrs old. At various ages they ‘reprocessed’ the loss with their more mature understanding of both the world and death. At about 7 years old the boys came to me saying: ‘Not everyone who is shot dies, why did our Dad?’ i reread my copy of his autopsy before giving them a full answer. But i explained i needed to refresh my memory about it.
Again in their early teens they reprocessed it. One of the boys had witnessed their Dad’s death. When a cat we’d had several years died suddenly he grieved a lot but had tried to hide it: “He was your cat, and i didn’t want to make you feel worse.” So we talked daily for about a week about grief, how sometimes sharing it can make the burden a little lighter. And around the third day it became clear and undeniable that he was also grieving the death of their father, and we talked about that.
