How do we avoid kissing at our wedding reception?
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It’s your wedding, and you don’t have to kiss if you don’t want to. Still, you don’t want cranky or confused guests, and you don’t want your unwillingness to kiss to be the topic of (negative) discussion. So, there are two ways to handle this, that I can think of: #1: do what you want, and warn people ahead of time. Put on an insert with the invitation (and in placecards at the reception) that you prefer not to kiss in public, other than at the wedding ceremony itself, and so you respectfully request that guests not attempt to incite a kiss. Unfortunately, this may still cause talk that you don’t want, and there’s always some drunk/elderly/dense person who will ignore it and clink away. #2: your wife should select an opaque veil that can cover her face — and yours — completely if needed. She should wear it to the reception, then when people clink you lean forward to kiss…but she coyly pulls the veil to block everyone’s view. Underneath the veil, you both touch foreheads and smile a
1) I have never seen or heard of this custom, so obviously it is not an absolutely-required part of wedding tradition. 2) If the two of you don’t want to kiss, you should not feel obligated to, not because it’s “YOUR wedding,” but because they’re YOUR bodies. Anyone trying to force you to do something intimate in public which which you are uncomfortable is being unspeakably rude. You should respond the same way you would respond to all rudenesses–smile graciously, refuse to be embarrassed, and, with exquisite politeness, refuse to give in. When you hear the clinking of glasses, acknowledge it with a smile and a laugh, stand up, raise your glasses and clink them back, bow a little and sit back down. People should get the picture that at this wedding, the kissing is not going to happen. I absolutely can’t see that you owe anyone public kisses. Personally I think it sounds like a repulsive custom. 3) As a last resort I do like the idea of the groom kissing the bride’s hand.
How can we avoid kissing during the reception? The answer to the question, as you asked it, is obviously, “Don’t kiss.” I have never seen anyone physically forced to kiss when they didn’t want to. It seems that maybe your question is, “How can we avoid kissing during the reception without looking like uptight, humorless prigs.” If this is what you’re getting at, I’m not sure you can both defy tradition, and also dictate people’s reaction to your defiance of tradition. I have been to weddings where this was not done. At my wife’s and my wedding, it was only done a couple of times, if at all. For what it’s worth, I think dealing with it by just giving each other a quick peck is actually quite painless. That’s how other people I’ve seen have handled it … and they seemed to survive with their personal integrity not seriously damaged.
I love the suggestion of pulling names out of the hat, but here’s another that goes along with your formal wedding: have the best man and the maid of honor spread the word that the bride and groom are very anxious that people will start doing this and it is something that makes the couple very uncomfortable. The Best Man and the Maid of Honor are supposed to take on the more onerous tasks so that you can enjoy your day, and it softens the blow when the censure comes from as an aside from a concerned friend rather than some Official Proclamation.
