Is shame a learned response?
There is no question that what we are ashamed about is to a large extent learned behavior. The simple fact that there are some differences in what we are ashamed about. And we can become inured to shame over one issue or another. The fact that shame is universal to all societies and possibly to some extent to all individuals indicates a natural proclivity to the emotion. Fear is generally agreed upon to be the most widespread human emotion. But shame or embarrassment may be next in commonality among human beings. Evidence of fear responses can be observed in infants. And I suspect that would be true of shame if we could measure them. All of us have experienced the loss of shame especially over some behavior. Common human experience indicates that the loss of shame is the learned response. When we first do something shameful or find ourselves in an embarrassing situation, we are horrified. But if we persist in that activity, we lose the feelings of shame.
I think the other answers are right about shame being a learned response, in that what we become ashamed about and why is definitely learned, if you look at the differences between families and between cultures. However, I would argue that the *capacity* to be ashamed is inborn. Some people will never learn shame, no matter what conditioning they are given; but the vast majority of the people learn shame readily. This points to the capacity for shame being something like the capacity for language or the capacity for anger or happiness — something we are born with, which is merely molded by our lives. We depend on other people. We are a social species, and we act that way. We NEED cooperation for survival, and we like to have a certain status with regards to other people, as well. So we do not like being either laughed at or looked down on. I think shame is just the specific name of our internal feedback system which molds our behavior to avoid these situations, along with embarrassmen
Yes a learned response. Causes Of Shame: Our shame seems to come from what we do with the negative messages, beliefs and rules that we hear and internalize as we grow up. We hear these from our parents, parent figures and other people in authority, such as teachers and clergy. These messages basically tell us that we are somehow not all right. That our feelings, our needs, our true self is not acceptable. Over and over, we hear messages like “Shame on You!” “You’re so bad!” “You’re not good enough.” We hear them so often, and from people on whom we are so dependent and to whom we are so vulnerable, that we believe them. And so we incorporate or internalize them into our very being. As if that were not enough, the wound is compounded by negative rules that stifle and prohibit the otherwise healthy, healing and needed expression of our pains. Rules like “Don’t feel,” “Don’t cry” and “Children are to be seen and not heard.” And so not only do we learn that we are bad, but that we are not
I think it is useful to look at the history of the concept. I believe shame, like guilt, is an essentially objective concept. If you have done something that is objectively in violation of legal rules, you are guilty (legal term) whether you feel bad about it or not. In the same way, when a member of a community violates community standards in a way that costs the individual, family or group a loss of trust or respect, this is a “shame” whether the individual feels “ashamed” or not. In most societies individuals, families, companies, etc. work at earning the trust and respect of the community – without it you typically can’t operate a successful business, attract a respectable spouse, etc. The feeling we associate with “guilt” and “shame” is, I think, a feeling of loss and obligation to repair the damage your action or inaction caused. I expect that the feeling of loss and the feeling of obligation to make right the damage I do is indeed a learned response, and one that is invaluable t
