Is there a typical pattern as to how women findthemselves in an abusive relationship?
Not really, however, most women say that it isn’t apparent right away, that the men are very charming or really need to connect to the woman for emotional support. And the men’s aggression often doesn’t show up right away, so that by the time abusive behavior does start, the women can’t believe it. They go through periods of denial, minimization, rationalization; but then their entire life starts to fall apart and they begin to doubt themselves and lose their self-esteem. Why is it that so many abused women don’t just leave their abusers at the first sign of trouble? I’ve been in private practice for 25 years and I’ve never seen an easy divorce, even when there isn’t abuse. Marriage is a bond that’s hard to break and when the very person who says he loves you more than anything and pleads for you to stay is also the person who hits you, a combination sets in of what we call learned hopefulness – believing his promises that it will get better – and learned helplessness – being constantl
