we are human and are bound to make mistakes and often end up hurting the ones we love be it a lover,family or a friend… but where do you draw the line and won you forgive in a a relationship?
Well, I guess it depends upon the situation and the relationship. If it’s the first time the person has done it and is resentful, I could give another chance. If it’s my sibling or parents, I would treat the situation differently and if it’s my partner I would treat it differently. But in both the cases, I would forgive if I am convinced that the other person is honestly regretting whatever has happened.
I think each scenario would be completely unique and thus where you would choose to draw the line is completely unique as well. I would certainly advise that you never allow yourself to be emotionally exhausted by anyone in your life and if there are issues like loyalty, trust, or betrayal that cannot be resolved alone I suggest seeking professional therapy or relationship/family coaching.
I think we often are quick to cut ties with most relationships today because it’s easier than feeling hurt, so I always advise people to consider the impact of the individual. This means, in what ways do they spark joy in your life? what has brought you to the point of questioning the relationship? Can you forgive them for the things that have hurt you? Do you need time? It’s good to look inward at your main reasons for wanting to never forgive someone and decide if their value in your life no longer fits, but before making any irrational decisions I believe it is good to be certain that there is no way you can find forgiveness.
I also think that sometimes its okay to forgive (not forget) so that our own hearts an find peace from within. Sometimes, holding on to not forgiving someone can actually impact us more than we know. That is why it’s important to internally process the details of the situation and decide if the root cause is worthy of severing ties.
Certainly there are many situations which require and call for completely cutting ties with toxic people and ending relationships, but I do believe this is an excellent space for a relationship or family coach or therapist to step in. Even if attended on your own to work through your thoughts. The value of an unbiased opinion can be worth more than gold.
I don’t think it’s really about whether or not you “forgive” them. I think it’s more about whether or not you will allow them to keep hurting you. You can forgive someone and still choose to not let them back into your life. Ultimately, you have to decide what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re simply not. You don’t have to hate them or begrudge them. You just decide when to stop giving them the closeness they need in order to cause you pain.
It’s difficult, I think, for any relationship to survive without the basics: trust, communication, respect, forgiveness, tolerance, and communication. In my opinion we all tend to make mistakes from time to time but we should all stand up and be ready to take the responsibility for our mistakes. Likewise, we should also give the other person the benefit of discussing, calmly and rationally, what their own mistakes are/were and then being mature enough to forgive.
I think that too many people have forgotten what communication over a cup of hot chocolate and in a calm setting is about. I do know that once the trust is gone in a relationship of any kind, its really hard to get it back! Again, honesty, compassion, respect, forgiveness, compassion… all play a part in making a relationship work. If you’re going to grow together you have to nurture these aspects, or eventually you’ll grow apart.
Good luck to you and I wish you the best!