When Should I Call After A First Date?

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When Should I Call After A First Date?

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Deborah Bass

No game playing allowed!  If you want to be an adult, act like one.  If you enjoyed yourself on a date (and assuming it isn’t 3 am) – why not call and say simply – " I had a great time, and look forward to seeing you again."   Every girl/woman likes that.  It’s not stalking, it’s part of the dating game.

After the date, it really depends on what type of people the two of you are.  Old fashioned?  There are still florists who will deliver flowers to her place of work – and I am willing to bet that she would be surprised/delighted/flustered — all in a good way. 

Follow this up with a phone call, and she will have something to say when you call — like, " oh – the flowers were beautiful."  Your reply of course is going to be, "oh, I’m so glad you liked them, I wasn’t sure what your favorite flowers were."

This opens up a whole discussion on favorite flowers, and can follow with a conversation about favorite restaurants, favorite movies, and would you like to have dinner on Thursday/Saturday. etc

Dating is hard, and nobody really knows what to say on a date.  A friend of mine put it very clearly:  "Why would I want to go out with someone that I don’t know; don’t know if I have anything in common with, and haven’t even sat down over a cup of coffee with?"

So, take it slow – but don’t struggle over the small stuff – keep it small and enjoy the relationship.

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Jo Barker

There are no rules to follow, other than don’t play games. If two people like each other, neither person will care, if either person, is to call right away. However, if you wait too long, you could turn the other person off, they may think you are just playing childish games, and move on. If there is no connection, or only a one sided connection, whenever you choose to call won’t change how the person feels. They either like you or they don’t. For guys, if a woman just likes you as a friend, chances are she may never want anything more than a platonic relationship with you. If on your date she has made that clear to you, and you are ok with that, call her, if not, don’t call. For women, you don’t want to call a guy too many times, he could be put off by your neediness, even if he initially liked you.

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Jeff Brown

That’s more complicated than it sounds. It depends on a lot: age, previously married, seriousness of the people involved in date, how the date went, how well you knew the person before the date, and so on. So the point here being that if you are looking to date seriously, meaning you want an exclusive relationship, possibly marriage, then it’s best to get a feel for what your date wants before you have to make that call. Yes, you have to ask questions but in a way that won’t scare off someone who may be interested. If the person is not interested, well, you’ll find out soon enough. However, if there is some interest, you can ask some subtle questions about previous relationships and where the person is now. After you’ve done your research, whether or not you should make the call and when will be answered even before you have to call. But the key here is questioning without offending or sounding desperate. Yes, and just be honest. Honesty, as they say, is always the best policy. Good fortune.

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Call, text or email when you have something you really want to say to that person. This may mean an hour later as you are laughing about something that happened on the date or it may mean never because there was not enough of a connection where you even want to hear about their day.

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Sheryl Faber

If you are a guy, call in two or three days. Calling back the same night or the next day does make you look too eager. But if you say you are going to call, then make sure you do. If you’re not going to call, don’t say anything. "I had a nice time" will suffice but don’t give a girl false hope.  There are too many men out there who make promises and then don’t deliver. Be a gentleman and don’t add yourself to their ranks.

Ladies, don’t call at all. If he is interested, he will make the first move. Let the man be the man. If you don’t hear from him in about a week, give him a ring and just ask how he is doing. That’s it. If you don’t hear from him after that, write him off and go on. There are too many men out there for you to be sitting by the phone waiting for that one guy who is or isn’t going to call. And, ladies, don’t say you’re interested when you’re not. Be straight and expect the same treatment from him. If you never see or hear from him again, forget him.  You deserve better. 

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