Would you like to go on record and say you’re gonna kick Arsenio Hall’s ass?
I’m going to get in a time machine and go after Pat Sajak. That’s who I’m gonna taunt. Actually, it’s not really in my nature to taunt. The only person I’m really comfortable taunting is myself. Every morning I get out of the shower and stand there naked in front of a full-length mirror and point and laugh at myself and say, “You’re going down!” Have you heard of “insult porn”? A woman looks into the camera and laughs at the size of your penis. Uh, I didn’t know that, but I’d like to sue those people for copyright infringement. I have no interest in seeing that. I will not pay for something I can easily achieve for free. One of the things that I always admired about your show is that if a bit doesn’t kill, it wasn’t because it was lame, it was because it was just so deeply bizarre. That’s nice! All I’ve ever done is stuff that I thought was funny. We never start off thinking, “Yeah, this is hacky, but it’ll fill some time and someone will like it.” You always start with the attitude of
