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    Anyone who goes to Denny’s for lunch or dinner is either in search of disappointment or clinically goofy. Truly, you can buy better sandwiches out of a vending machine that has not had its inventory rotated for five years; you can have a much better dinner at any homeless shelter in the country or—should a homeless shelter not be available—the nearest Dumpster.

    Don’t go to Denny’s for lunch or dinner!

    With that said, Denny’s serves up one satisfying breakfast. Yes, the bacon is dry and oily (oily and dry simultaneously is a neat trick; I’ll have to ask the cooks how they manage that someday), too thick, chewy and suitable for pig slop (as long as you raise cannibalistic pigs, of course), but the sausage is good. Maybe I should say “interesting.” They use a different brand of breakfast links now, and while they have an indescribably strange flavor, I finally decided that I like them… on occasion (and if you eat at Denny’s more than occasionally, maybe you should consider purchasing the Joy of Cooking).  

    The eggs are eggs: they always come the way I asked for them, so what can you say about eggs? Yes, the toast is cold and soggy, as it is in virtually every diner in the known universe, but what I go to Denny’s for is the hash browns. I absolutely adore Denny’s hash browns. I’ve tried to replicate the recipe at home, and each attempt has ended in a dismal failure. I now buy Hungry Jack hash browns for at home. And while the Hungry Jack browns are good, they just can’t compare to Denny’s browns.

    My wife likes their pancakes, though not as much as those from IHOP (where I refuse to eat, because pancakes is the only thing they get right, and I am not a pancake fan), but then again she is not prone to complaining, which is why she never writes reviews (let’s face it, the denigrating reviews are always the most fun to write).

    So, as long as you only order breakfast and keep it to eggs, sausage and hash browns, you will find Denny’s to be satisfactory, at least.

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