How do you illustrate the problems without relying on statistics?
It seems some things weren’t clear about my original post that I need to clear up. 1) I have never quoted statistics to him, or even quoted someone else’s relationship advice. Generally I am the one heading up conflict resolution in our particular arguments, but I stick to figuring out what went wrong between both of us, without reference to anything else. I’m not sure how I came off as some sort of statistics encyclopedia, spouting off relationship advice… but that’s not the case. 2) I mean “entirely long distance” in the sense that our permanent residences are now 5-6 hours apart. We visit each other on average once or twice a month for 3-6 days, and back in the beginning of this relationship spent almost a month seeing each other every day. (But that was out of the ordinary, because I was home on Christmas break, and then he was staying with me while his break was still in effect.) So, anyway–relating in person isn’t the problem, it’s maintaining communication while we can’t see
So, one of the problems we run into frequently seems to be that he interprets criticism or blame coming from me, or interprets me as arguing when I am only trying to offer a different viewpoint, explain my thoughts, or bring up something that I see as a barrier or an irritant and should probably be discussed. I’ve surmised that part of this response in him comes from growing up in a household where the immediate response of his family members to irritation or tiredness or… seemingly anything is to shout and blame the person you’re interacting with. Having stayed at his house twice, with said family members in residence, I’ve experienced it happening, and it’s just… very different from how I grew up. So I think when I try to openly discuss things, if there’s any hint of blame or frustration or unhappiness in my approach, that kicks in his learned defensiveness and irritation. Obviously this is all from my perspective, and no doubt there are areas I need to work on — but I also thin
