My sister has advanced breast cancer and no one in the family is talking about the fact that shes getting weaker and weaker. How do we begin to talk about dying?
A. Begin by being unembarrassed about the fact that eventually, everyone dies. I think conversation is easier when people approach the subject from an understanding that the experience is universal and no one can avoid it. Usually, when family members aren’t talking about dying one of two things is happening: Either a) there is unwillingness on the part of the person or a family member to acknowledge that the illness is progressing, or b) dying is on everyone’s mind, but there is a conspiracy of silence in a misplaced attempt to protect one and other from discussing painful feelings and deepest fears. Naturally, it is essential to be sensitive to your sister’s feelings; in discussing her illness and treatment with her, follow her cues. You might begin by asking how she feels her treatments are going. What does her doctor say he is planning to do next? Or ask in an even more general way how she feels she is doing. If her answers reflect an optimism regarding cure that seems unlikely, gi
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