Who needs ASUA Helpline?
I’ve never been one for giving advice. Making fun of things yes. But actually giving advice no way. I think it stems from an incident in sixth grade. One day while I was browsing in the school library, Carlos, the biggest kid in my class, pulled me aside. He said that he really liked a girl and he wanted her to notice him. He asked me to tell him what to do. Initially, I pled ignorance. “What do you mean you don’t know?” he demanded. “You’re the smartest guy in our class. You better know.” Realizing the threat of bodily harm was looming over me, I began to think. Then I remembered an episode of “Diff’rent Strokes” in which Arnold liked a girl. Willis told him that he should be a gentleman around her. Of course, he went overboard and made a fool out of himself, but Willis’ advice seemed pretty sound. “You should be a gentleman around her. Open doors and stuff like that,” I said. “All right,” he said. “This better work.” It didn’t work and I was beaten to a bloody pulp. Just kidding. Sev
