Why should addicts avoid new relationships with members of the opposite sex in the first year of recovery?
One of the main reasons not to get into a relationship in the beginning of recovery is patterns. Let me explain… most addicts have never had anything close to a healthy relationship. Most are severlyl co dependent and dysfunctional, often abusive. People tend to have the same types of relationships over and over though. So for a new recovery addict to jump into a relationship after perhaps only 3 months clean, most likely they will pick the same type of person to be in a relationship with than what they had before.
Even when trying NOT to pick the same type of person it is inevitable that it will happen. It may not seem so initially, but given some time, often times addicts are in the same type of relationship that they were just trying to get out of.
If someone waits for a year, and truly does recovery, they will change. Inevitably then the type of person that they are attracted to will change, the type of person that is attracted to them will change, and the chance that they have at being in a healthier relationship will significantly increase.
• Avoid losing the focus on personal issues – For addicts, real lasting change occurs only after a long and often painful process of self discovery. This involves understanding their own addictive behaviors, repressed emotions, and destructive thought patterns. However, their denial uses the feelings and behaviors of others to avoid facing their own pain and dishonesty and from assuming responsibility for their controlling and shame-producing actions. Introducing a romantic relationship, with an intense focus on the other person, too early in recovery inevitably “short-circuits” the important process of reconnecting with self and learning to become responsible for one’s own feelings and behavior. • Avoid the illusions and dishonesty of infatuation – The beginning phase of recovery is always a very emotional and painful time. Still, all this pain can be an important motivator for recovery, providing great incentive to take the difficult steps necessary for real change to occur. However,
