How long do I wait for him to marry me?
Your situation is a simple case of perception versus reality and the reality is much tougher psychologically for women to realize. I’ll explain…… The perception is that only the state government (through a marriage certificate) can make your relationship legitimate, and thus secure. The reality is that their are several key elements that can only make your relationship legitimate and secure, a marriage certificate isn’t one of them. These elements include love, trust, honesty, open communication, discipline, dedication and a commitment that comes from the heart. Truth be told, you can do everything together, set and reach your goals without getting legally getting married. However, legally speaking, it’s much more convenient from a standpoint of signing contracts, rights of decision, etc, to do many of these things as a married couple. In addition, asset distribution gets messy outside of a legal marriage. Still, all this stuff can be dealt with in living trusts, wills and a civil
don’t hold your breath. The time to discuss marriage was before you had the baby. I understand accidents happen but seriously, if he didn’t bring up marriage while you were pregnant he’s probably not going to marry you. Now because of the baby you’re stuck with him no matter whether you marry him, stay with him, or move on. Decide which is more important: marriage or a life with him. If it’s marriage then move along if that is in the best interest of both you and the baby. If it’s him then forget about marriage and be happy with what he is willing to give you.
Idealism: There is no time line set in stone. In other words it takes as long as it takes. Ultimately this is a decision that both of you have to decide and agree upon. Facts: Present communication does not lead to any course of action, and you’re not happy with the current status. Theory: Reasons why people who love each other should not get married: Finances, Disbelief in Institution of marriage, Personal Choice, Afraid to take the next step, Too soon(different for everyone), Past Failed marriages, Happy with the current status quo… Speculation: (As it applied to you based on the stated premise) He might see that you’re sometimes upset, and he gets upset, and thinks that this might not be the best time to get married. Communication on marriage are seen as a plan in the future without a concrete agreement. Suggestions: Improve communication between yourself and your husbands. See where both of you stand, How you feel, and what ultimately you want from this relationship. Set a concre
Take some control over your life. Instead of wringing your hands and waiting for some guy to propose to you or accidentally on purpose getting pregnant, decide the direction that you want to take your life and make it happen. If this guy wanted to marry you, he would have married you already. Decide if would be satisfied his girlfriend baby mama for the next 15 years. Weigh that against the best needs of your child. If being the free cow prospect is not satisfactory to you, then cut your losses and take your baby and go.
He just is not happy and ready for marriage. He probably is thinking it is easier to walk out of a live in relationship and it is much cheaper then getting a divorce. I have a feeling that if his parents were not disabled or if there was someone else that could care for them, that he would be long gone.
